Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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