"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
