remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
they need to just BURY HIM!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize