Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
