did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
