Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
