I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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