I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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