Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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