office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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