he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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