drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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