if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
