Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
