her vagine was all disorganized.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
