I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
