i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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