I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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