I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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