my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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