I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize