Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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