You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
