i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
