i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
