I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize