he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
