Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
