You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize