Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
