oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
