Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
