I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
