What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
