Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry vmv hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(541): View more from Oregon

So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap

Fav 31 1339 4729
share tweet
(720): View more from Colorado

I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.

Fav 23 5373 987
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"

Fav 34 3840 823
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.

Fav 25 6004 1008
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

Fav 29 17913 1675
share tweet
(559): View more from California

Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.

Fav 7 1239 1807
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(608): View more from Wisconsin

I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.

Fav 3 477 969
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(765): View more from Indiana

Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is

Fav 1 110 221
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(517): View more from Michigan

I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent

Fav 0 16 29
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT