This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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