She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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