He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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