4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
