eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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