I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
