saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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