i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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