So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
