but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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