At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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