thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
