The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
