I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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