You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
