We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
