He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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