I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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