i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize