Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
