5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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