My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
