Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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