Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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