He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
