All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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