Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
