So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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