when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
