I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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