I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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