it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
