I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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