Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
