I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
