I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
