I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
